Sterling: Victory over Doubt and the Burning Tights

The rest of life roared for attention this week - endgame on clearing out the beloved house I grew up in - resulting in a fairly draining past few days. Plowed through the training out of stubbornness but questioned the merits of VO2 intervals that felt like flogging a dead horse. Dead warming up, wondering if I should even be there, and hid the heart rate monitor so I wouldn't get discouraged by numbers stuck in the cellar. We all try to be "pro," to keep our legs up, stretch, recover, and sleep, but we train and race in the context of the rest of our lives - hosting epic Thanksgivings or chronically getting the flu while teaching first grade or taking care of others or whatever - so my own busy spells are hardly unique, and hardly prohibitive of good bike racing. But believing this is sometimes a mental battle. Warming up I kept saying to myself "I am so strong, I am so smooth," something I do when I need to shut negativity out. This race was wide open in Lyne's (and Mo's) European absence. I thought coming in (at least prior to warming up), that if I rode well I could win and didn't want to squander this rare chance. In the end, I had the horsepower to make up for a few technical gaffs. I guess you could say I was racing against my friend Rebecca, not on her best day, but more I was racing my own self-doubt. My race was nothing spectacular - sluggish legs and lacking in grace on several of Tom's course features (at one point Richard Fries exclaimed "very clumsy dismount by Milkowski on the run-up!") but I got it done. Last year this race marked the end of an ill-contrived decision to go cold turkey on caffeine for the week, and I rode around in a coma, so revenge taken on this front. After the race I was yakking away with Kathi Riggert in front of a portable heater when she yelled "you're smoking!" and my tights caught on fire. There was a pretty big hole so I threw them away right there - they were old and pilly anyway so it's no great loss, and Kurt might have a replacement.

USGP Sunday: Be Careful What You Wish For

All that Dewey talk, and I got it - the divorce from results-based assessment. The course was slick due to rain, with horsepower sections replaced by corners. It was going to be challenging. My goal heading in was to have a better start - top 10 - then ride a race of as few mistakes as possible, apply power when possible. The start was somewhat better than Saturday, still not top 10. I decided to run the whole sandpit - the sand was carnage for the drivetrain. On lap one on the corner just out of the sandpit, I was taking a wide line to ride on grass rather than mud and hooked the tape and went down. Someone ran over my bike and caused the brake shoe to fold under the rim, preventing the wheel from turning. I ran the bike to the pit, a bit further away than I would have liked. I think I moved to last place, and after that the race was about moving up. I guess I can be satisfied that I felt better running the sandpit compared to Saturday, when Mo sprinted past me as though I had cement boots on. Sure she's excellent at running, but that was embarrassing! I guess it's similar to the "I can't sprint" statement lacking some truth if you've been attacking all day in a road race to avoid the sprint - that gassing oneself riding the sandpit to the point of standstill does not bode well for the running legs. (Of course, proper dismounting and conservation of the magic M momentum might have avoided this too.) And I resolved some of my issues with the Green Monster remount, namely just didn't care if I had clipped in or not. Not to mention that I got some practice with bike changes. Amy had another great day, finishing 7th, Barb and Kathy Sherwin worked together for solid rides, Jen had trouble breathing due to a barrier crash the previous day, and Mel we all know can be faster, but I am sure was super smooth in those corners. Stephanie and Melody are finding their legs. I am holding off on riding the trainer today but it's 31 and raining...

USGP 3: Close

Legs were good but lots of near misses and tactical naivitee yesterday. Somehow the non-blow-up start strategy rendered me about 25th off the line - pretty impressive feat given a front-row start. But worked my way up in spite of early corner chaos. Following Kelli Emmitt up, but jumped her because I thought I had more power, then she made the group racing for 9th and I didn't, just came painfully close to making that group but just did not seal the deal. Instead dragged Mo and Natasha Elliot through windy power sections only to have them kill me at the end, Mo launching an assault in the sandpit and Natasha capitalizing on my chronically weak remount at the top of this Green Monster flyover. So I ended up 16th, with a quite a lot of "just missed the next group" plus "last in my group" sentiment. But better than last GP, that's for sure, and I'm excited for today, though I need to improve on the monster and in the sand. Could be interesting as weather calls for rain and temps in the 40s. All those tacky corners could get fun, not to mention a lakeside off-camber.

Calling John Dewey

Setting aside the fact that John Dewey was against competitive sports, since my mini-implosion of a few weeks ago, I have been applying some of his educational philosophy to bike racing. Because racing is about the challenge of learning by doing on all sorts of scales - from year to year, race to race, lap to lap. The dead fact is useless. Past experience must be incorporated into the present to adapt and grow. As far as the limited utility of grades and prizes and the resultant striving for the wrong reasons, those apply too. Grades and results are probably better than nothing when it comes to assessment, but they are shortcuts that rarely tell the whole story. How many excellent races have yielded no results? How many great results have only ho-hum rides behind them? A results focus seems limiting in several ways: as a distraction from focal points like smooth cornering that actually improve one’s race and as a way to box oneself in, pose an acceptable house for oneself, judging basement to ceiling by the performance of others. If Katie Compton considered a win in the U.S. the be-all-end all, do you think she would have won a World Cup last week? Expectations can drive good performance – people believe in you, you believe in yourself, you deliver – but more often than not they are a weight on the back and have a pigeon-holing effect. Plus, given that almost everyone I race against is a friend, it’s better to keep it internal. So on to the sailing phase of the season, the “be a seal” phase as one friend puts it. Time to get zen, embrace that concept of “you run what you brung,” that the best race is the best performance given a day’s legs. This quest to maximize, more than any result, is the real challenge and intrigue. I got the rest I needed and the word of the day is balance: the start that makes the selection but does not blow me up, digging deep but with motor-control retaining composure, reading the course for sections of “burst and float,” and recognizing the race is 40 minutes long – that there’s time to move up (and that moving up is better than moving backwards). Recent racing news: Mo has found her legs; Rebecca continues the great riding (with me the latest victim of her sprint), Mel Swartz gets faster and faster, especially in sandy corners, Amy Dombrowski is flying (when she avoids crashing), and Chris Jones survived a mudbath in Holland. Velo Bella mechanic Morgan saved me with a hanger replacement at Beacon, plus pitting both days, and New Haven Bob continues to enable this season with his constant overtime schedule of tire gluing and replacing cables. I think a respirator is in order, or at least a nice dinner. Bike is tricked out – pink is fast - and I am psyched for New Jersey. Wind and horsepower sections and sandpits are all favorites of mine. The strength and depth of the field can only add to the experience. And oddly, because I try to avoid distraction, excitement about next year's road season is fueling excitement for cross. Go figure. As I head to Trenton, photos from the salmon-fishing brother in Alaska allow for vicarious living of a different sort of outdoor life.

This Horse Ate Clover during the Derby

Caught once again as fair weather blogger... I had a rough weekend in Kentucky. I won't explore the entire metaphor of bike racing as cross course, but the big M momentum of cross certainly applies to racing, and I didn't have it last weekend. DOA - dragging on arrival - in spite of the most excellent hosting of former New Haven friends Gordon and Elizabeth and top company of Barb and Rebecca. But if bike racing is "you run what you brung" (even if you didn't bring much), I didn't even do this. A few setbacks (Saturday's lap one included crashing, getting caught behind a crash, then flatting on a mysterious thorn) but then I just gave up. And what is this? Just not acceptable. And Sunday was even worse, I was just going backwards all day. So I've been trying to get my swing back this week, to turn frustration into something positive, reinvest in some of those neglected areas of life, and regain some perspective. Because joy in bike racing is for sure the biggest propellant. Tomorrow's predicted hurricane has me pretty psyched! I really need to get the digital camera repaired. Photos by Elizabeth Daniell.

Granogue: Challenging Day Sealed with a Crash

Granogue is an awesome race held at a spectacular hilly venue on the Dupont estate in Delaware horse country. The course is technical and I knew going in I needed to race it clean to have a shot at doing well. Off the line, I tucked in behind Kerry Barnholt (the one to beat), then came around to take the hole shot and lead the upper part of the course, which was a defensive move on my part given Kerry's technical prowess. Then I bobbled on the off-camber switchbacking descent (which was really silly because since I was leading I could have gone as slow as I wanted), and Kerry was gone. I drove it hard on the pavement with Mo Bruno on my wheel, wanting us to work together, but could not quite close the gap. Mo crashed and I was riding alone for a few laps, conscious of being close to my limits and that Rebecca Wellons was chasing me. I tried to get some recovery while I held the gap, but Rebecca bridged up (on the pavement!) with two-to-go and then gapped me. I was "in difficulty," said in my brother's best Phil Liggett imitation, conscious of Megan Monroe and Mo behind me, but still in the race for second. I pushed it over the top of the ride-up after the descent and put on the power on the fast downhill where I had being gaining ground all day (after losing it on the switchbacks). And I ATE IT. I have no idea what happened, but it was a pretty big crash. I was fine but shaken up and it took me a while to get back on the bike. I rode the last lap and finished, but came in 11th. Kerry won solidly, Rebecca completed her fantastic ride for 2nd, and Megan took 3rd ahead of Mo and my teammate Melanie Swartz, who is clearly finding her form. I'm not sure what the moral of the story is given that I have no idea why I crashed, but what can I do but rally and go for it today?

Gloucester Day 2: Conservatism and a Result

Lyne Bessette raced with the men again, then rode the first few laps of our race at a forgiving pace so as not to tempt some of us to blow up. She was like the Pied Piper - it was actually amusing. I took the lead into the downhill corners off the start (but imagine Lyne could have if she wanted), took a few pulls but was not going to animate because clearly she was in charge and because we weren't going fast enough to have forced a selection so there was a front group of at least five and it was a windy, grass crit course. On a more technical course with fewer free riders and less advantage to group riding, or if I hadn't just had one of my worst days ever on the bike, maybe I would or should have jumped to try to force a selection. But I guess I wasn't racing for 1st because if I were I should have led through the corners into the sandpit instead on lap two Lyne just gunned it out of the sandpit like an airplane and I didn't even try to go, with people on my wheel. Worked with Natasha Elliot, who had a lot of horsepower, holding off a strong chase group, and was able to gap her coming off the run-up on the last lap and barely hold that gap to the line. I guess I raced smart, got a result which makes me happy, but I also do not plan to make a habit of racing for 2nd place. Rebecca Much is getting her cross legs back! The irreverent Chris Jones continues to inspire. Countless people were extremely supportive after my demoralizing day on Saturday - thanks. And to those who have not quite found their legs yet, they will come, be patient. Here I am with my mom.

Gloucester Day 1: KABOOM

One fast lap. Great ride Rebecca Wellons, Natasha Elliot, Megan Elliot, Megan Monroe. And of course, Lyne Bessette. Thanks Dave Drumm for the dedicated pitting even as I went backwards.

Can We Race Our Points?

A friend who comes from alpine ski racing was explaining to me the FIS ranking system. Low points are good, but it's the same concept as UCI ranking - except that the impact of a given race on your points is scaled according to the strength of the field. And he was explaining how at some early season races "rabbits" with low points are brought in, who then go out drinking the night before and race mediocrely, allowing a bunch of racers to lower their points. These races are known as "points give-aways," and result in over-ranked racers not "able to race their points." I told him my trip to Michigan was a points-grab. Not complaining about the glut of UCI races on the East Coast, but the system seems like it could be improved.

Whitmore's Landscaping Super Cross 2

On Saturday I felt I could have taken the hole shot, and after I was irritated with myself that I didn’t. Katie and Lyne are on a different level from the rest of us right now, but we have to race them. We New Englanders are pretty lucky to race one of the world’s best every weekend, and need to make the most of it. (And let’s have some sympathy for Lyne and Katie too, who are not exactly getting practice for performance on the world stage by racing with us, so let’s get moving!) None of us wants to start so hard we blow to smitherines, but the selection in cross is made at the start, and increasingly it seems to me that we all settle in after a few laps and go pretty much the same speed. So I did get the hole shot (and then they promptly rode me off their wheels), but at least it was an assertive start. And let me tell you, the start at Cross Vegas was so crazy fast – Megan Elliot clocked the wet-cement-esque grass start at 40k an hour – we better start hard in New England! My legs Sunday were not awesome, I did not feel technically smooth, and I struggled in places, such as that sandy right corner at the top of the course. After the start that left me gasping for air in third place, Mo caught me. Barb was closing so I sat on Mo to allow Barb to catch. She did, we sat on a bit, and then Barb attacked on the pavement. Perfect – this is team racing! On this day I had an advantage over Mo on the horsepower section, especially after she had had to pull, so I attacked through the line and tried to bridge to Barb. But I had not noticed Megan Elliot. When I saw she was there I sat up, but then Megan dropped me and bridged to Barb – not good and I should not have attacked if I had no reserves. And then the whole race was me riding a short distance behind Barb and Megan just wishing I could close the gap or that Barb would sit on for a long stretch so I could catch (no hope for 2nd, and this would have improved our odds at 3^rd and given us a shot at 4^th). But team racing takes practice. Barb put the hammer down on the last lap and pulled off 3^rd, Megan had an awesome ride for 4^th, and I got 5^th. Katie schooled us again.

Whitmore's Landscaping Super Cross 1

The ghost of Cross Vegas is vanquished and the season has started for real! Team racing characterized the weekend. Way back when Marianne Stover and I were part of the “Gearworks Juggernaut,” and there was one epic season when the two of us drove clear across the Northeast every weekend without second thought (Harrisburg, Camp Hill, we even drove straight from a race in New Hampshire to catch the Orient Point Ferry for Myle’s first ever Long Island race). We shared in each other’s successes but were also fiercely competitive in a way that raised the level of racing for both of us. No one can ride those ride-ups like Marianne! And although she’s based in California, I’m hoping this season that Barb Howe and I can do the same for each other. Saturday’s course was fast fast. After a good start that saw Lyne and Katie disappear off the front, Barb blasted by and I found myself battling with Mo, who was dragging somewhat due to the flu. First, let me just say that I am thrilled to be racing in such esteemed company! Mo dropped me on the steep ride-up hill, which I was riding but in slow and leg-sapping style in my 39-26, then added to the gap on the top section. But I did catch back on and when I finally was sure I could go clear without bringing Mo up to Barb, I went. I was closing pretty fast on 3^rd but ran out of room. But Barb got third behind Katie and Lyne, so it was a good day.

Off to the Hamptons!

Back in beloved New England, cured for a while from complaining about New Haven. Cross Vegas filed in the scrapheap of history, left with a few vague memories like a conversation with a casino employee in which he rebuffed my suggestions of health risks of second hand smoke and the final empowering night of owning that Vegas Strip on my bike, however crazy. Packed to the gills for cross - legwarmers, armwarmers, hats - and it's going to be 80 degrees on Long Island, but one of these days that surprise snowstorm will strike, and I will be ready (provided I can find everything in that big bag). Raced a training race on Wednesday in Dayville, CT and it was old-school cross at its best - the antithesis of Cross Vegas - two barrier sets, one rooty uphill, singletrack kidney-rattling descent, sandy corners, grass u-turn, short a horsepower section, and a ride-/run-up all in a sub-3:00 lap! The Long Island weekend takes some planning as far as logistics go, but it's always a great trip given the ferry ride and surprising agricultural quality of the North Fork, plus the Hampton beaches, gorgeous even if one doesn't read the Style pages. And Vervecken is news even if he doesn't make the Times.